Cressida Madness

"Seat Safety Switch" (seat-safety-switch) 05/12/2016 at 13:17 • Filed to: burning a man alive over a bad used car purchase, toyota cressida, slushbox-americans, automatic transmissions with disabilities act

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I was firmly in the grip of Cressida Madness. Reaching from deep within the bowels of Toyota City, their rangy fingers latched onto my hesitant heart with a combination of aspirational luxury and the common-man’s oh-so-desirable reliability.

Before me, the crowded exit gangway of the 737 was blocked by a stewardess, who reminded me in the sternest possible tone that while she enjoyed my patronage of the plane, I should refrain in the future from seizing the PA microphone from her during the safety briefing and loudly telling everyone onboard about how a manual transmission swap isn’t that hard. With that last point, she pointed to the Code of Conduct poster behind her, telling passengers to respect the disabled and, yes, even Slushbox-Americans regardless of their transmission choice. I shrugged sheepishly and muttered something about the passion of the moment.

Stepping off the plane, I could sense it. This was a land that did not know road salt. Before me, there would be an untold bounty of mint quarter panels, untouched rockers, maybe - and just thinking of it made my heart race - fasteners that could be removed without a torch. I fought down the urge to hyperventilate, preventing the stars in my eyes from forming a constellation in the shape of the MX73.

On the cab ride over, I compared the Prius to my fantasy image of the Cressida. My cabbie’s big-body-roll, battery-stuffed demi-minivan was slow, sure, but it was also unhurried - a principled departure from today’s rush-rush demanding of sports luxury. I imagined that the Cressida would be no different, although significantly less austere. At last, we arrived at the seller’s home.

He had sold it already. Of course he had.

I could see the fear in his eyes as I poured the last of the gasoline onto him. The reek of ethanol contamination soaked into the floral wallpaper of the home. As I worked, I could just dimly hear his muffled screaming through the gag. It was just as well that he had gotten rid of it, I thought. He was undeserving. Probably put twenty-two-inch wheels on it. Maybe even Lexanis . The thought made my hands tremble as I drew the match across the door frame, dragging a jagged scar of flint.

TheHondaBro > Seat Safety Switch 05/12/2016 at 13:23

3

Somewhere, a SpaceCrab just had an orgasm.

d15b > TheHondaBro 05/12/2016 at 13:26

1

Inside joke!

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Seat Safety Switch 05/12/2016 at 13:43

2

377 words.

Great car in the picture.

MR2_FTW - Group J's resident Stig > Seat Safety Switch 05/12/2016 at 14:06

1

X7's are the bomb.

JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t > Seat Safety Switch 05/12/2016 at 14:48

2

It’s good to have you back.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Seat Safety Switch 05/12/2016 at 14:49

0

Yellow cressida looks really good.

deprecated account > Seat Safety Switch 05/12/2016 at 14:50

2

Glad you’re back, buddy.

Wheelerguy > Seat Safety Switch 05/12/2016 at 14:53

4

This person is the president Oppo deserves and needs. Not Brt in sheep’s clothing.

FrankenZ > Seat Safety Switch 05/12/2016 at 14:55

1

My grandpa had one of these in the Philippines when I was born, I think it looks sweet.Probably replace the square headlights with the dual lenses like on a same era BMW, probably a set of mesh wheels too. But look at WHEEL GAP! The lack of one that is!

Jonee > Seat Safety Switch 05/12/2016 at 15:54

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This made me think of the time I was all ready to buy a former government issue K-car turbo wagon. It was a car never meant for the public. It was too good for plebians as confirmed by the Craigslist photo of it behind locked chainlink. By the time I got there by bus, it was gone and I was furious. I’ve never seen another. In fact, I didn’t even see that one. But, I did own own a simulated wood paneled Cressida wagon once with a stick. It was when I lived in Boston and that thing was more rust than car, but it wouldn’t stop running.

PureHate > Seat Safety Switch 05/12/2016 at 16:07

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I’ve got an MX83 that’s 5spd swapped and clean as ever on the inside. Although it’s always been a great car for me to cruise around in, I’m actually selling it to make room for other things.

Seat Safety Switch > PureHate 05/12/2016 at 16:11

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Those wheels are (as the kids say, I believe) dope. Where’d they come from?

PureHate > Seat Safety Switch 05/12/2016 at 16:18

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Nissan R32 GT-R

General Mayhem > Seat Safety Switch 05/12/2016 at 16:56

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Cressidas look sooooooo much better without the U.S. spec guardrail bumpers. Would gladly hoon that glow-in-the-dark yellow one.

SOCdriver > Seat Safety Switch 05/12/2016 at 17:52

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The dumbest thing I ever did was give the free Cressida I got to my dad. I wish I had it to work on and keep driving.

Nimbus The Legend - Riding on air like a cloud > Seat Safety Switch 05/12/2016 at 18:48

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my friend has one of these back home in the philippines.... its black and awesome

Nimbus The Legend - Riding on air like a cloud > FrankenZ 05/12/2016 at 18:50

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i still want a 2 door version of this

we had an original classic mini cooper back home

and my uncle has a lancer evo “box type”

Nauraushaun > Seat Safety Switch 05/12/2016 at 23:08

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Is that a VT Commodore?

Dead_Elvis, Inc. > Jonee 05/13/2016 at 00:48

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I’m still mentally kicking myself for not buying a minty, grandparental-transport-appliance Cressida wagon from a sophomore-year college buddy in 1989. It had an amazingly comfortable pimptastic dark red velour interior, and was by far the most luxe Japanese wagon I’d ever seen. But even as a WagonsUberAlles near-adult, the autotragic killed it for then-me. It would be a sick, styin’ commuter for my current self.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Seat Safety Switch 05/13/2016 at 07:36

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Cressida is best Lexus!

RatMR2 > Nauraushaun 05/13/2016 at 13:11

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That or a VX - I can’t tell the difference between the two based on the picture. Maybe checking the paint colour against the available range for each year would provide a clue, but I doubt it.

Nauraushaun > RatMR2 05/13/2016 at 19:42

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‘Straya :D

Definitely a VT. I don’t know how I know but I do. I’m pretty sure that was a VT blue, my friend’s mother had an SS in that color. The VX blue was different I think, called Vespers Delft and available on the Monaro.

I was deep in Commodore knowledge when I was younger.

RatMR2 > Nauraushaun 05/13/2016 at 22:27

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The Vespers Blue was very similar to this, I reckon that Delft was a bit lighter. Sounds like you have a pretty good idea about the colours though, so I'll trust you ;)

Nauraushaun > RatMR2 05/14/2016 at 00:04

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It was a long time ago :P